Let me start out by telling you what was supposed to happen. This was the plan. The future life every little girls dreams about. I was going to be married with two kids (atleast) and a dog by the time I turned 30, living happily married in a large 4 bedroom house, a well manicured lawn, maybe some big trees to provide shade for my lovely children during play time and of course the ever clichèd white picket fence. Rewind 6 years. I remember being 28 and realizing I was no closer to that dream than I was becoming President of the United States of America. So the thought of marriage and children drifted away. Well, I pushed initially, but it lingered until one day I didn’t recognize the pangs of longing for the traditional household with 2.3 children in a modern day suburbia.

Fast forward 6 years. I am now married. Wonderfully Happily Married. And because I am married, the common practice is to, of course, have children. At my age, it seems to be more important to have them now (everyone else can hear my clock ticking) rather than wait a year or two like all those 20 somethings who have the luxury of time being on their side, who’s clock is barely audible to the outside world.

Those who have met That Guy “TG” and know me have told us how beautiful our children will be and yet, we still have not decided to have or not to have. TG already has two boys to pass on his legacy. I have not had the experience of the whole miracle of birth, new life, mini-me thing. But I keep going back and forth as to whether or not I want them. I want them because I love babies. And I am a woman. I am supposed to want them. Right? But having my dog is sometimes too much of a hassle for my social life. So wouldn’t having a kid be even more of a bother to said existence. Or will having a beautiful child to hold in my arms change my life completely by making it better and fuller? Seems to be something to think about. And its not one of those .. “hey, I’ll try it out first” type of thing. Luckily I have some time. Not a whole lot of time. But enough time where the Doctors won’t force me into prenatal hell because i’m too old to have children sort of time.

All of this occurred to me (more vivid today than normal) because I went to visit a good friend of mine who just had twins in November. Her daughters are absolutely beautiful. In speaking to her and her husband about how they do it, the answer always seemed to be .. you just do. It is the smile and laughter on those little faces, when their eyes light up because you just smiled back, that pulls at your heart (and maybe your uterus).  Something as small as a baby’s smile is what gets you to start thinking about crazy things like having one of your own.

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